The Birth Story of Atlas Kincaid | Jacksonville Birth Photographer
First-time parents, Sara and Aaron, welcomed their sweet little boy on a warm summer morning at UF Health North in Jacksonville. While Sara hadn’t planned to go unmedicated, she rolled with the sensations and beautifully birthed her baby with fierceness and tenacity. Aaron caught their baby and placed him on Sara’s chest, with tears spilling down his face. This was definitely one for the books and I was thrilled I got to be there for them, serving as their doula and photographer. Enjoy this mama’s story, in her words, below.
Atlas Kincaid was born on Tuesday, July 11, 2023, at 5:16 am weighing 7lbs 11oz. He was 20 inches long. Once I knew he was coming, he came quickly. Birth was fast and furious. Despite always knowing that I wanted to write out the story of how my baby entered this world, getting here required weeks of processing on my part before I could begin to write. I needed time to come to terms with the complexity of all that birthing is and certainly the fact that it was not what I expected, even though I knew that there was no way I could ever fully prepare. Some of this story comes directly from my memory; some from my husband, Aaron, and our doula, also Erin, helping me remember; and some from the photo documentation (done by Erin). I can’t promise it will make sense, but here goes.
I believe this story truly starts four days prior to Atlas’s arrival on Friday, July 7th, the day before our due date. That day I had a routine OB appointment where a cervical check was performed. I learned that I was 2 cm dilated and 70% effaced. A membrane sweep was completed at this time. I was certain I would go into labor over the weekend, perhaps even on our due date! But the due date came and went. Over the weekend I experienced slight cramping and tightness, but nothing with rhythm or any momentum.
By Monday I was discouraged primarily because I was scheduled for an induction a week later having gone past the somewhat arbitrary due date. This was stressful. Erin and I chatted on the phone about how I felt. She reassured me and encouraged me to do some of the labor inducing tricks to increase oxytocin. Aaron brought me home flowers and chocolate (unprompted, of course). I took some evening primrose, got a lavender massage, and shared some intimacy with my love. Oxytocin for the win! About an hour later I said, “I think it’s starting.” I texted Erin at 10:36pm to let her know some contractions were coming together and that we were going to try to go to sleep and get some rest. I laid in bed for about two waves (contractions) and then tried the couch. I quickly ended up on hands and knees on the couch, vocalizing. At 11:30pm I texted Erin, “things are escalating quickly.” I called her to check in and handed the phone to Aaron because I couldn’t talk. Erin said, “yep, I think we can head in.” Waves were about 3 minutes apart.
Aaron and I ran around (well I waddled around cussing between waves) to quickly gather our things... I thought I would have time to “bake a cake” or something like that during “early labor” and could pack the car then. I certainly wasn’t getting any damn cake. Just before we got in the car I said to Aaron, “I don’t think I can do this without drugs.”
We arrived at the hospital at approximately 12:30am. I was somewhere between four and five centimeters dilated. My time in triage seems like a blur. They rolled me from triage into our room and I got set up between waves, which were about 2 minutes apart and is about where they remained until he was born.
My first order of business was to get in the bathtub ASAP. While they drew a bath both Atlas and I were monitored. I labored on the toilet and then on hands and knees on the bed during this time.
I was then able to be in the bath for 40 minutes until I needed to be hooked back up for fetal monitoring. The bath was the most luxurious and was probably the time that I was the most lucid until the pushing stage. I preferred to sit backwards in the tub, so I was able to pull on the railing for resistance during waves. Aaron was worried that I would tire my arms so I turned around to try to sit in the tub the other way, but ended up switching back to my initial positioning so I could pull fully on the bars.
After my 40 minutes were up, I got out intending to return to the water to labor later (spoiler alert: that didn’t happen). For the next hour plus I labored at the bed, first standing and then on hands and knees again. This was the point where my mind and body really became one and I lost most sense of my environment. I didn’t notice when people talked to me, and I certainly didn’t respond. I was only attuned to myself and mildly aware of Aaron and Erin. I could feel Erin’s counter pressure and can only describe her touch as divine, and I could hear Aaron coaching me in breathing. My breath carried me for the remainder of the labor. During waves I growled with Aaron encouraging me to keep my vocalizations low. If I went high, I lost my breath, and the pain took over. I growled and moved rhythmically. I growled so loud my throat hurt the next day. Between waves Aaron coached me in taking recovery breaths, to heal and prepare for the next wave.
After laboring on the bed for quite a while, Erin suggested I move into side lying release. In this position I laid at the edge of the bed on my side with my top leg dangling over the side of the bed. This felt odd because the goal was opening but my legs were crossed. However, positioning in this way allowed for the pelvis to open in such a way to help the baby descend and boy, did it! I labored through three waves on each side and holy cow was I hanging on to the rail of the bed for dear life. Despite this, I was so tired I actually fell asleep between waves. I think I was even snoring! Then I began vomiting every wave and said, “ok, this position is not it.” I wanted to try something else, but also felt like I needed to push. At this time the nurse conducted my first cervical check and told us that the head was right there! They called the midwife because it was time to push.
Just kidding. The midwife was stitching someone else up, so they asked if I could keep the baby in for a few minutes. So, I squeezed my knees together and lifted my hips into the air to keep baby in and I was able to put off pushing for around ten (?) minutes.
The charge nurse told me if I needed to push, I could without the midwife there, but I wanted the midwife there. It was not my intention to birth on my back, but that’s eventually what happened when the midwife arrived. I was in too much pain to get into another position, so I went with it. At this point my bag of waters was still intact. I consented to the midwife rupturing the amniotic sac, and she did. By the time I was able to push, my body did it. I don’t think I intentionally pushed once. It was so hard for me to hold my legs up - too tired, too much pain, so they had these leg rest things I could use. The midwife put warm compresses on my perineum and used mineral oil as I stretched. This felt really good.
Atlas came out after 20ish minutes of pushing and 4 hours and 45 minutes after we first arrived at the hospital. I gripped Aaron’s shirt for dear life and screamed, “it hurts” repeatedly and voila! Atlas Kincaid appeared covered in blood and shit (his, not mine)!
Aaron grabbed him and told me we had a baby boy! I knew deep down, all along that he was Atlas, and I was so glad to finally meet him. Aaron helped catch him and passed his slippery body to me. In shock, I said: “this is terrifying. I know I am not supposed to say that, but this is terrifying.” (I mean, he did look pretty scary) and I will never not laugh when I think of this moment.
Meconium was on my face for hours; it was awesome. Once the cord stopped pulsing and Atlas got all the blood he could from our placenta, Aaron cut the cord.
I opted for some Pitocin to help the placenta detach and exit my body. Of course, I got it encapsulated... I’ll try anything at least once.
The final step before fully immersing myself in golden hour bliss was to get stitched up. I had bilateral labial tears that required about 6 stitches. I know what you’re thinking... my poor, beautiful labia! This was not pleasant, but you do what ya gotta do. She’s expected to make a full recovery. And, I was able to hold Atlas the whole time I was getting stitched up which made it bearable.
Finally, I was no longer being poked and prodded. The hours following Atlas’s birth were peaceful. With the sun coming up he breastfed for the first time. He was quite bad at it. He didn’t seem to understand how to suck or that he needed to open his mouth to get what he wanted. In fact, after this initial latch we syringe fed most of the first day. Atlas is a quick learner, though, and he fed much better at the breast on day two.
The golden hours were filled with much curiosity. How is it done? Who are you? What?! I have known for a long time one of the greatest joys of my life would be watching Aaron become a father. It is and will continue to be.
How do I know Aaron became a father? Well, in addition to his son, he received a pair of Nike Air Monarchs. LOL.
There were and are many emotions surrounding Atlas’s birth and arrival. It was the most intense and painful thing I have ever experienced. Luckily, I am an intense person and like intense things. It was my hope to go the route of a low intervention birth. An unmedicated birth was not the goal in and of itself. In fact, if I was more conscious, I probably would have asked for meds. Because of this, I have spent a lot of time processing how out of control I felt. I realized it was not in the moment I felt out of control, but in the time after. As intellectualization is my preferred defense mechanism, I expected to make conscious decisions based on the facts I gathered at each stage of labor to cope (ha). I expected to birth in a tranquil environment with electric tea lights and the affirmation cards I made, but we didn’t have time for any of that. I initially thought I disassociated because my body took over and it seemed like my cognitive self departed the space we were in – perhaps into another dimension, I don’t know. After some therapy I now see this experience as the most in synch my mind and body have ever been, as if they were one. When I think about it now, it feels spiritual. Perhaps it was the only time in my life that I have truly been able to let go and ride the waves.
Atlas continues to lead me to new understanding. My promise to him is to continue to live with the curiosity that was present in the golden hour, for curiosity will allow me to bear full witness to who Atlas is and how he chooses to share who he is with the world. Atlas Kincaid, you are so loved, and knowing you is and will forever be a gift and one of life’s greatest joys.
